Barreness

I was thinking about the barren women of the bible. The women of promise had no natural children of their own. It took the intervention of the Father to bring forth the children. I thought of how this is fitting for the people of God as a whole. Of ourselves we can do nothing. It takes the move of God upon us to bring forth fruit. A flurry of activity that results in what we believe are productive results may only be a 'Leah' having lots of children.
Help us (me) be patient and wait upon your movement upon me, oh Lord, that I may bear the fruit of Your will, in your time.

Blessings or Cursings 2

What man looks on as important is not so with God. If that's the case, wouldn't it stand to reason that the things we consider blessings could very well be cursings? Neither His ways nor His thoughts are like ours. Could it not be that we are condemning our souls to leanness when we want, and want and want and then we receive but aren't truly satisfied? And then we 'want' some more. 

This doesn't seem right. Who doesn't want health, comfort, our choice of foods, fun times, good relationships with family and friends, the ability to pursue our own interests, when, where and how we want to pursue them and whatever else our souls can desire. I'm not talking about obviously sinful behaviors or desires. I am talking about those things that all humanity craves, from the richest to the poorest, the youngest to the oldest. Is the Father against these things?

How do we reconcile this with pursing His Kingdom first? Are we content with the fact that our lives our no longer our own but that we are to live to service of Another? If that means that our lives don't fall in line with that majority 'craving' that I spoke about, then do we receive it or feel we are being short changed?  Do we try to fanagle our lives so that we can still get our way yet say we are pursuing the Kingdom? 

I want my constant prayer to be "if this be Your Will, Lord", "if this be Your Will, Lord", "if this be Your Will, Lord"...

And then having the ear to hear,' Yes daughter', or 'No daughter'.

I don't want to desire anything more or anything different than what the Father's Will is.

Money comes and goes; our health is often dependent on our OWN discipline or lack thereof; comfort is subjective and we can learn to be flexible in circumstances that less motivated individuals would find unbearable; fun time is subjective and can be a robber of  God's purposes in our lives; good relationships often mean, having other people around us to entertain us, agree with us, listen to us complain, or meet our needs - self centeredness prevents us from really developing relationships that function as iron sharpening iron; pursing our own interests can be another robber of God's purposes in our lives - if we are living in the Sabbath,and  we 'turn away our foot and from doing our pleasure on His Holy day" Isa. 58:13. We are called to follow the example of Christ and only do what we see the Father doing, and saying what we hear the Father is saying. 

I believe that we as humans, myself included, don't realize how much of the world, flesh and inspiration from the evil one is affecting how we live this life.

And I don't want that anymore.

Help me Lord Jesus.

Blessings or Curses

We have received of the Lord, particularly hear in the West and specifically here in America, an abundance of material blessings. Even what we consider the poorest of us here are given the ability through a multitude of charitable outreach services, places to lay our head, clothes to wear, food and drink, transportation and places to clean our clothes and ourselves. But these minimum necessities are far exceeded by a good portion of our population with the continued  desire to go even farther in the accumulation of goods, services and entertainments.  The Lord has told us in Matthew that we can not serve God and mammon. Our goal of the Kingdom has to be our priority over pursuing the American Dream. The organized expression of the church often encourages this material pursuit, saying that God desires us to be blessed. But being the slaves to the flesh that we are, we become like the Children of Israel; we take the gold the Father has allowed the world to bestow upon us and we make Him over in OUR image - a God that will allow us to indulge our flesh and then 'rise up to play'

And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink, and rose up to play. Exodus 32:6 KJV

There is a comparison between how the flesh minded Children of Israel handled their possessions and how the Father desired to use them:

 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 2Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring me an offering: of every man that giveth it willingly with his heart ye shall take my offering. 3And this is the offering which ye shall take of them; gold, and silver, and brass, 4And blue, and purple, and scarlet, and fine linen, and goats' hair, 5And rams' skins dyed red, and badgers' skins, and shittim wood, 6Oil for the light, spices for anointing oil, and for sweet incense, 7Onyx stones, and stones to be set in the ephod, and in the breastplate. 8And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them. 9According to all that I shew thee, after the pattern of the tabernacle, and the pattern of all the instruments thereof, even so shall ye make it. Exodus 25:1-9 KJV

I highlghted in red an important part - what they had received from Egypt/the world was to be offered to the Father to build an habitation.

Cain Coming to Terms

 "They went astray in their hearts because they didn't know the ways of the Lord. They didn't come to His terms. As a result they were prevented from entering into His rest.

"THEREFORE I WAS ANGRY WITH THIS GENERATION, AND SAID, 'THEY ALWAYS GO ASTRAY IN THEIR HEART, AND THEY DID NOT KNOW MY WAYS'; AS I SWORE IN MY WRATH, 'THEY SHALL NOT ENTER MY REST.'" (Hebrews 3:10-11 NASB)

We do the same thing. We see and experience the power of God. We walk in His provision and protection. And yet our hearts maintain our own ways instead of changing and conforming to His ways. We want to receive all of the benefits of the Lord on our own terms. If we think that the Lord will allow this as we mature then we are sadly mistaken."

This was a quote from Art Nelson's monthly email newsletter titled "Coming to Terms". This seems to correspond to my thoughts about being Cain and how Cain (me) wanted to come to God in the way Cain himself wanted to come regardless of God's requirements. I need to write 100 times on a chalkboard "Jehova is Lord, Jehova is Lord, Jehova is Lord..." 

My thinking has been so corrupted by the flesh and this world's system that I feel MY ways are so good and right and just that the Father should just co-sign on everything I do, say and want. But, as bro. Art says, 'we (I) are sadly mistaken".

When I was thinking on the fact of God being God and His ways not being my ways, I thought about how there is nothing I can say, no credible debate I can present to convince Him my way is the way things should be), all I can do is worship Him. Worship the One who does what He does according to His own good pleasure. I am too small minded, immature, seeing nothing but veil to offer any valid rebuttal to anything that occurs to me or anyone else. I don't know if me or another person is reaping something from years previous, if the person or me was allowed to have a request that the Father didn't want them to have and now leaness has entered the soul, if a circumstance is the result of our decaying,cursed world, if the evil one is being allowed to sift me/someone else - or WHAT the problem is. Well, this isn't completely true - we can ask for wisdom and understanding and often the Father will lead us to the wellspring from which the circumstance was born. Many times though, it still passes our comprehension and even though well meaning Job-ian friends may try to give an answer, we still are left in the dark as to what in the world is going on.

"Father, help me to receive You and Your ways without complaint, without doubt. Let me truly enter your rest as I learn of Your ways and stop going astray in my heart. I love you and thank you. Please forgive me and continue to deal with me as You see fit. Amen"

The Wrath of Cain

I was so angry at God today. In fact, I'm still not too pleased with Him. No, he didn't let someone that I love die, he didn't allow us to declare bankruptcy, no, we didn't loose our dwelling place.

He wouldn't help me get the wire racks back into the oven.

And I was mad enough that I cried.

I felt like I wanted to abandon this faith that I have cherished for these many years.

I guess it felt like a final straw. I was truly Job (and Cain,,,again! :(      )I was telling the Lord how I have been trying to do what He says, trying to help, wanting to get things cleaned up and nice for my husband,  but yet I can't get any help with something as simple as oven racks!!

When I was telling my kids about my emotional breakdown, I told them that I'm glad God is not like Zeus or one of  those mythical Greek gods or he would have thrown a lightning bolt at me!

I can't seem to stop having expectations that everything should go the way I want. It seems to be a 'works' mentality -- if I do enough good things, You should make everything go my way - always.

Forgive me Lord. Thank You for Your long suffering towards me. Continue to form Christ in me, Amen

I Am Cain (But I Don't Want to Be!)

My next to oldest son said that this evening as he was cutting the grass, he began to think about what the Father said to Cain, "If you do good, won't you be accepted'. He said the thought went through his mind a few times as he was doing the cutting.

Then, later that evening as I was reading a bible study, the teacher was talking about the mark of Cain and how he believes the mark was a counterfeit love, or a 'love' that the fleshly man uses to get what he really wants. He/she helps others but it is for the purpose of fulfilling his own desires.

At first it sounded rather odd to me, but as I continued reading, I began to think of myself. I thought about how I have been so distraught that the Lord has allowed me to experience some things that I didn't think He should let me experience because of my 'obedience' and 'love' for Him. I saw how, that if this gentleman is correct, I was being just like Cain! I had presented my 'sacrifice' to the Lord, one that I felt was good and worthy, but it wasn't being accepted! Acceptance being interpreted as the trial not lasting too long, having a peaceful time in the trial, being able to still do most of the things "I" wanted to do in the midst of the trial, etc.

 Then, when my expectations weren't met my "countenance fell". I was distraught and felt depressed and unloved by the Father.  As I saw myself as Cain, I then began to think about the verse that says to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to the Lord as our act of service/worship/ministry. I began to feel like I had held something back; my sacrifice was half hearted and not complete. "Lord, am I doing this to get you to love me, to get you to bless me. to prove that I am a true Christian or some other reason?" The soulish, fleshly nature can be so deceitful! Please help me to really lay myself on the altar, to not love my life more than I love you,
Help me to receive the corrections you have for me and to lift up my hanging hands and strengthen my feeble knees; help me make straight paths for my feet. I want to see you Lord as you REALLY are, not according to religious traditions or the lens of my own self serving heart. I want to live for you and by you not saying that I am yours while all the while living out of my own soul. I need you Lord; I can't change myself. I am in your hands Father. be merciful as you continue to strip away
everything that is vain and fake and confused and misunderstood and doubtful and sinful. I want your REAL love, not the anti love; the love that we so comfortably deal through in our fleshly natures that has at its basis a tit for tat, reciprocity motive - even if it's not receiving something from the other person but an expectation that our actions are buying 'favor' with You. 

Education

Education is the Holy Grail of the modern society. It is one of the pieces of the system of this World that mankind has built in its tower of Babel; a part of the Babylonian system that seeks to usurp the rule of Yahweh over man.
Education has been used by fallen man to help him gain preeminence over his circumstances, at least in Western society. The thinking goes that the better the education, the better the ability to make ones own way in the world, i.e. make more money, have more prestige and more influence in the world.

I don't think learning, in and of itself is a bad thing. There are many things in our world that the Father would have us understand, I think particularly, how nature works (plants, animals, weather, our bodies). But as with all things, our hearts motivation will determine whether we are dealing with these learnings 'lawfully' or not.

The Father cannot be left out in our conjecturing on what needs to be learned and how in depth. Learning to acquire riches, learning, to be accepted, learning to acquire power over others  - these goals are highly suspect!

As kingdom citizens, we need to allow ourselves to be directed in our educational pursuits as in every other thing we endeavor to do.

And while I use education and learning interchangeably, I would say education is more of the system, while learning is the process of experiencing and observing the world around us.

Musings January 30, 2016

Watching Gunsmoke, it was said of a man that he was being very generous in the use of ingredients he used in making a potion. The man, upon hearing the statement, walked into the room and said, stinginess is for the small hearted and the fearful.

I like that.

I desire to be a generous, even extravagantly so, person who doesn't let fear or a lack of internal character limit my ('Your', Father) expression of Grace, Blessing and Mercy in the world.

2nd musing:

I purpose by an act of my will to trust you Lord. My emotions/flesh say 'no, you see that you are in a situation that you didn't want to be in, I can't trust Him!" But I am going to disregard the voice of my flesh and the enemy. You have been so good and gracious in ways that I don't even know! You have protected, guided, fed, opened doors, rebuked the enemy, given me wants as well as needs - I am going to trust you for you are Good and Faithful and just like we want to give good gifts to OUR children you have and are giving good gifts to ME! So thank you Lord! I trust you to work all things out for my good. Help me to remain steadfast, unmoveable and always abounding in Your work. Now fulfill my Joy, return to me the Joy of my Salvation. Restore my Hope. And to You Lord be the Glory the Power and the Honor now and forevermore! Amen.

Musings OCT 18,2015, Sunday

I have felt that I needed to be God in peoples lives. I don't know if this has been a conscious effort, except where it pertains to my children, but I have acted that way with adults.

The Father gives us all free reign within his permissive will to move on whatever inclinations we have. If we don't come to him and ask for counsel or ask for counsel of the Lord through those we feel have an understanding of God's ways, then Father let's us move forward with our own desires.
That being said, the bible DOES say that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. We are God's righteousness in Christ. We can have a confidence that Father will not lead us into temptation and that He will deliver us from Evil.

 The Father's leadings, however, are often designed to prune us and to mature us. That may mean that broken, unhealed, sinful places in our hearts are allowed to have their full expression,
which will lead us into temptation,
which will cause us to sin,
 which will bring about circumstances that are painful/undesireable to us,
 which Father will use to prune us so that we become more like Him
 so that the desires of our heart are His desires,
 so that His will can be manifested in the earth through us,
 so that He receives the Glory.

 It is all HIS work and he does it very elegantly.

 He is more than capable of bringing or allowing circumstances to bring us to the end of ourselves so that we look to Him for salvation, in all it's forms. He is in no hurry and His timetable is the only one that matters..

Even though I have limited insight, I still often feel like I know what is best in a situation, not only for myself but for someone else as well.

 I don't want to do that any more Lord.

I can only deal with myself and my relationship with you.

 If someone asks for counsel, that's a different matter. I DO want to be an oracle of yours when you desire me to but I don't want to be the self appointed spiritual sheriff to everyone - its frustrating and often fruitless.

 BUT, Lord, I do not like that other peoples decisions impact me!

But I believe you can work it out for my good (I still don't like it though!)

 Help me to not be so invested in matters emotionally that I get out of a place of your perfect peace when people do what I feel like are crazy, unprofitable (spiritually) actions.

 I love you Lord, I want to yield myself to you to be transformed into your faithful, trustworthy daughter.