Friday, May 20, 2016

The Wrath of Cain

I was so angry at God today. In fact, I'm still not too pleased with Him. No, he didn't let someone that I love die, he didn't allow us to declare bankruptcy, no, we didn't loose our dwelling place.

He wouldn't help me get the wire racks back into the oven.

And I was mad enough that I cried.

I felt like I wanted to abandon this faith that I have cherished for these many years.

I guess it felt like a final straw. I was truly Job (and Cain,,,again! :(      )I was telling the Lord how I have been trying to do what He says, trying to help, wanting to get things cleaned up and nice for my husband,  but yet I can't get any help with something as simple as oven racks!!

When I was telling my kids about my emotional breakdown, I told them that I'm glad God is not like Zeus or one of  those mythical Greek gods or he would have thrown a lightning bolt at me!

I can't seem to stop having expectations that everything should go the way I want. It seems to be a 'works' mentality -- if I do enough good things, You should make everything go my way - always.

Forgive me Lord. Thank You for Your long suffering towards me. Continue to form Christ in me, Amen